An affair is never worth losing a spouse over. Here’s why.
If your marriage is not over even if it’s not very satisfying right now you have some desire to keep your family together. Your may even have hope that things could get better with your spouse you just don’t know how to accomplish that. An affair seems like a way to avoid painful choices about working to repair a broken relationship or abandon it. In many cases, having the affair amounts to making the decision to end the marriage and break up the family: that could happen when your spouse finds out.
If your marriage really is over you know that your differences cannot be reconciled and the flame can’t be reignited but you’re still stuck in the relationship, you’re not in an emotionally stable place. You may be attracted to the affair simply as a way to get out of the marriage some people think it’s easier to have the spouse start the divorce after finding out about the affair than to talk with them about ending the relationship. That sets you up for future trouble: you’re now involved with a person whom you can’t totally trust (if the person had an affair with you, why would they be faithful to you later?) and you reinforce a tendency to slide out of a relationship instead of deal with its end.
An affair is usually attractive if the light has gone out of your relationship, or conflict has entered (often around money matters). Your only real chance to be in control of your fate is before leaping into the affair. If you’re really ready to say goodbye to the family life and marriage, do that first and start your new relationship with a clean slate.
Related posts:
- What is the difference between having an emotional affair and an affair?
- Does having an emotional affair with someone amount to cheating on your spouse?
- How do I keep my affair a secret from my spouse?
- Is it fair and reasonable for a married person to cheat if their spouse decides to completely abstain from sex?
- How do couples remain married after one person has an affair?
